School Bullying Starts with Quiet Permission: Is Your Child Experiencing This Now?

The Subtle Permission Behind Bullying

Bullying rarely starts with loud threats or obvious confrontation. More often, it begins quietly, in hallways, online chats, or playground corners, where silence from teachers, parents, and peers allows the behaviour to continue. This quiet permission empowers bullies, making your child feel isolated and vulnerable, often without anyone noticing.

What Your Child Shows vs What They Feel

Children rarely voice the full extent of their struggles. They may appear cheerful at school or at home, yet carry heavy stress, anxiety, or fear inside. Boys and girls may express these feelings differently. Boys might withdraw, act out, or mask pain with anger. Girls may internalise stress, appearing unusually quiet, anxious, or self-critical. Recognising the difference between what your child shows and what they truly experience is critical in addressing bullying early.

Stress and the Burden They Carry

Bullying leaves deep, unspoken scars. Victims often feel shame, confusion, and helplessness. Their inner voice may conflict with rational thoughts: “I should be able to handle this” versus “I can’t tell anyone.” These conflicting feelings can affect learning, friendships, and long-term self-esteem.

Moving Beyond Permission: What Parents Can Do

The first step is breaking the cycle of quiet permission. Open dialogue is key, but it requires the right approach. Asking the right questions can help your child feel safe, understood, and empowered to share.

10 Guiding Questions to Talk to Your Child

1. Can you tell me about a time at school that made you feel uncomfortable?
   

2. Are there moments when you feel left out or treated unfairly by classmates?
   

3. How do you feel when someone teases or criticises you?
   

4. Do you ever feel worried about what might happen during recess or lunchtime?
   

5. Are there friends or classmates you trust to talk to if something happens?
   

6. Have you noticed anyone being unkind to others, even if you weren’t directly involved?
   

7. What do you wish adults at school knew about how you feel?
   

8. How do you usually respond when someone is mean to you?
   

9. Are there things that make you feel safe or happy at school?
   

10. If you could change one thing about your day at school, what would it be?

The Power of Listening

Listening without judgment validates your child’s feelings and breaks the quiet permission that allows bullying to thrive. By understanding their perspective, parents can work with schools, friends, and support networks to create a safer, more confident environment.

Final Thought

School bullying is rarely visible on the surface. By actively engaging with your child and addressing their unspoken struggles, you reclaim the power that quiet permission gives bullies. Awareness, dialogue, and thoughtful questions transform silence into safety, fear into courage, and hidden pain into hope.